Toldot- I am the Favorite!

Toldot- I am the Favorite!

As I write this now, I have a smile that can not be contained, and a few tears of joy and fond memories!  With each passing year on the anniversary of my Bar Mitzvah (Portion/Parsha/Reading), and how proud I made my parents, grandparents, brother, family and friends!   

Like most Bar Mitzvah boys, my voice sang out with with a pubescent tone/squeak, although already deep and extremely loud and able to project, I pushed aside the microphone with such vigor, in extreme confidence (I started out at a young age), as I was going to ROCK the house of over 300 of my guests, er' my family's guests; my entire family basically and so many friends.

On the Night of/Day of…..My dad was proudly seated next to me on the pulpit/bema.  My mom sat in the first row, along with my older brother who was 17 at the time, my 2 nanas, and my grandpa Nate, who my dear and loving son is named after.  I remember vividly the smiles, and tears of joy of each of them, even my 17-year-old brother smiled and showed he was proud, even-though sibling rivalry never quits; we still compete at times, but who's blood sugar and A1C is better.....Like most sibs, we had an unspoken competition at times, although the age difference at the time was in his favor, but that evening, it was my time to shine, and the competition was halted, at least for the time being. 

The significance of me becoming a Bar Mitzvah, that evening, and that day of Shabbat, was finally here!  It was going to be one of the major building blocks of my very own life and  to help determine my choices and adulthood for years to come!  Very Impactful!!!...and little did I know what the future held for me???

The year plus of my Mom and her planning and phone calls (no email, texting back then) ,her organizing all my aunts to bake for an out of this world Oneg Shabbat after the Friday night service, my dad’s own stories of his own Bar Mitzvah (I've heard these stories over and over and over again, but now as a dad, I do the same to my own kids, and realize, it's a right of passage and we turn into our parents), my older and somewhat sarcastic brother was actually smiling all the time, and of course my dear, dear grandparents kvelling in their seats so proudly, that little 'Barralach' (my mom's affectionate name for me, and still calls me that at times!) is a Bar Mitzvah……was all so very present, real, and finally here that very day! Even my folk's friends, said aloud, Little Barry is a Bar Mitzvah..FYI, the same friend stills refers to me as Little Barry (BIG SMILES!)

I remember the day, and the night, like it was yesterday, full of rich, vivid, and happy memories.   I felt like I was everyone’s favorite person that very moment; lucky me!   The way I made my family feel, especially my folks, how could I not be the favorite son?  The very fact that my brother was present in the front row watching ME, and it was MY Bar Mitzvah and ALL eyes on me, and people traveled far and near, were so sweet and I was so happy!!!  I just had to be the chosen favorite, or so I felt!  Haha to my dear brother, Ken!

Like the Bar Mitzvah boy I was,.....My Torah portion, ‘Toldot’ has a strong parallelism to what I felt at the time of my Bar Mitzvah!...That of being the favorite son.

In the Torah portion that I chanted and read so loudly, and with such confidence and conviction, Rebecca and Isaac had twin boys, Esau and Jacob.  Each parent had their favorite (be it right or wrong; right mom and dad????.  Isaac loves the manliness of Esau, and Rebekah favored Jacob and his refined and mannered skills. 

The boys, then men as they grew and matured, were both true individuals, although the favoritism still held up… Both chose to walk a different path.

Esau hunted, Esau gathered, Esau was somewhat of a Sportsman. 

Jacob was more calm, and by the book.

Both were unique and both added true value to the world!

In the end of Toldot, both do indeed receive their father’s blessings, semi-indirectly, but they did receive them.

I again reflect back to my own Bar Mitzvah, and feeling that I was the chosen one, the favorite child of my parents, but just 4- years before that, my brother Ken hopefully felt the same, as he was the favorite son at his Bar Mitzvah!

I said, “I” felt and “He” felt, as it just wasn't really true this favoritism; the love and respect from our parents is the same for us both, and no child, (no adult), NOT once should feel alone or not loved as much as his or her sibling!  Love, friendship, and caring comes in different forms and packed differently with each individual person, and sometimes one child or person needs something that the other does not, and maybe at another time, the other sibling or person just might need a hand or a smile. 

A parent’s true gift is to make their children to always feel great and loved, and if that one child of many children feels internally like the favorite, then what a true blessing indeed! 

At my own children’s B’Nai Mitzvah recently, their grandparents sat front and center,as did their aunts and uncles, and  as a parent, I chose wisely and proudly exclaimed, THEY ARE BOTH MY FAVORITES!